If I only had one word to describe the last six months it would be "adversity." Sometimes life just seems to throw everything it has at you. And it's not about the move. I'm actually really starting to like it here. Although settling into a new church and getting used to new social circles is difficult, it ultimately just gives me more friendships, which is never a bad thing. What's getting me lately is that none of my plans seem to be working out.
This year was supposed to be an easy year. Adjust to the move, take advantage of the educational opportunity of TP debate, find a college, and then hopefully head back to the northwest in the summer to spend some time with friends before I go off to college in the fall. I should've known that wouldn't work out. College is expensive. More expensive than I ever would've expected. I'm going to have to work for at least a few months this year, in addition to getting a job during my first year at college. Working during speech and debate season is impractical if not impossible, which means most of my summer plans are going to fall by the wayside.
On top of that, fitting in speech and debate this year is turning out to be much more difficult than I anticipated. I'm finding I have a case of "senioritis" and am having a very hard time getting motivated to work on my speeches. And I'm finding out it's extremely difficult to prepare for debate tournaments with a long-distance partnerships. Especially when both of us are swamped with college stuff. We're not even going to be close to prepared for the first tournament.
It feels like the last few months have turned from a dream into a nightmare. Yet, during this special season, there's a reminder. The Angel who told of Jesus' birth proclaimed, "Glory to God in the highest, and on earth peace..." Jesus came into a world filled with tyranny, war, injustice, and tears. In that turmoil, he came to bring peace. Christmas is a reminder that the ordinary turmoil of this world is not significant. Eternity is. And we have the everlasting peace and assurance of eternity.
Still, I doubt. If these well intentioned plans didn't work out, what about my future plans? College? A career? A family? What if these plans don't work out either? Life is full of disappointments. I've pushed through adversity before, and I'll do it again. God knows what college I'll attend, and if He wants me to get married he'll bring the right person into my life. Still, sometimes I hope that His perfect plan and my flawed human plans will align.
UPDATE: Looking at this post a few days later it sounds pretty whiney. I suppose I don't have much of a right to complain when I have good health and great friends and family. It's just hard when one plan after another crashes. But, good has come out of this. These circumstances have helped me realize a big weakness that I have. When something doesn't work out the way I want it to, I tend to get upset. Well, life is like that. Transitions won't go as smoothly as I think they should, and sometimes you just can't do two things at once. Perhaps God's trying to tell me that I need to learn to just go with the flow, and not look forward to things that aren't for sure going to happen. Life can still be very frustrating sometimes, but when you've got great friends you can always make more plans. And that's something I'm very thankful for. (Hey, if I make a bunch of plans, at least one of them is bound to work out eventually.=P)